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Ireland's Mourne Wall

POST #6

Spiritual hunger was not  eased by a few clues.

After summer illness,
I returned to work,
Kept seeking
more C. S. Lewis books. 
A bookstore manager urged
a book "not by Lewis, but by a friend of his." 

A SEVERE MERCY
True story of deep romance,
privileged couple who still lacked something
beyond themselves. 
Gap between doubt and faith, to him,
yawned too wide
tho' not for her.
He hesitated...
I knew that feeling,
my husband was more open,
so why not give my copy to him?
He ate it up and
we talked about it after that,
over coffee, a walk, a lunch, then dinner...

SURPRISED BY JOY

POST #5

Still recovering. No new nightmares since 
The Mourner's Comforter
--that "small, obscure book"

One nightmare close in memory
--a terrifying quagmire 

Feeling its repulsive grit
Swallowing me. 

Quicksand.

Searching bookshelves again
SURPRISED BY JOY
Bought years earlier
Set aside and forgotten
Now into it, seeking
All those British lit references
...Keep going

Aha. Page 237 

I know very well when, but hardly how,

the final step was taken.

I was driven to Whipsnade one sunny morning. 
When we set out I did not believe that
 Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and 
when we reached the zoo I did. 
Yet I had not exactly spent the journey in thought. 
Nor in great emotion. It was more like when a man, after 

long sleep, still lying motionless in bed, becomes

aware that he is now awake.*

~CS Lewis 

I understand, somehow, yet could I, too, ever be that sure?

* Quoted from Surprised by Joy, C. S. Lewis, page 237. Included in Not All Roads Lead Home, Jane Bullard. Emphases (italics, highlights) added.

C.H. Spurgeon-THE MOURNER'S COMFORTER

 POST #4

Applying for a job.
"You're over-qualified."
So what?
Bigger fish to fry. 

Get a job. Finally. 
Winter.  
Mid-summer, leave work, sick. 

Doctors: Mononucleosis. 
Cure? Rest.

Alone, weeks later.
Feeling better.  
Find something to read.
On bulging bookcase, something
Older brother re-published
Sent me a copy
...had to be years ago. 

OK, something different. 


Quickly, from small, obscure book: 

"Even now, you live in the love of God."  

Really! Miserable me?

Two years since Bonhoeffer's Life Together.
A year-plus since Turning Your Faith Loose.  

This painfully hot summer

Comfort begins to seep in  

Sleep without nightmares!

and more.

Writers of Proverbs

 POST #3

A few months later, worries were about my children, marriage...and my on-going job search.


Wisdom rang in my thoughts. An obvious source? The Bible. 

You don't have a Bible...do you? 

I dug out a box that had a paperback Living Bible I'd used practicing calligraphy. 


I opened to mid-Bible: Proverbs. 

Look for Wisdom...Wise. I typed three pages of 31 proverbs.


I highlighted what leaped out at me. Mused. 

Joyful is the person who finds wisdom,

the one who gains understanding.

Proverbs 3:13-New Living Bible (italics added)

Turning Faith Loose

POST #2

About a year after I read Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Life Together, I was no longer in graduate studies at University of Maryland. TURNING YOUR FAITH LOOSE fell onto my desk at work, tossed by a colleague. 


"Try this," she said, and I did. The cover made me curious: a photo of a huge chain broken in two...freedom. 


I took the little book out to lunch. No preaching, to my relief. Part of one page stood out:  

Fear not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God.

I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee;

Yea, I will uphold thee with my righteous right hand. 
--Isaiah 41:10

I stared at the words, and later copied them. Days later, I was analyzing and memorizing them. They were in mind always, pondered  and turned in every direction possible...Beyond human strength, human help, human holding up... 

Soon after, I had a job interview in Richmond, VA. On a bright autumn day, I stood outside the interview building. The streets in view were quiet. I whispered toward the blue heavens:

O God, I will not be afraid, for you are with me; 

I will not be confused, for you are my God.

Strengthen me; yes, help me; 

yes, hold me up with your righteous right arm. 

The words of Isaiah 41:10 had sprung to mind, then became a prayer to God, whom I hoped was there.